Thursday, 7 February 2013

Of gay and barking amphibians


WHERE ARE THE FROGS?

OK, I admit to having a few drinks before setting my fingers to the keyboard, so maybe I haven't quite mastered all the facts, but aren't there times when the data just gets in the way of the truth? Bear with.

Two days ago the Westminster Parliament passed the second reading of what is colloquially referred to as the Gay Marriage Bill. Cue great celebration by all those in favour of equality and treating everybody as human beings. Cue hand wringing and prophesies of doom and the collapse of civilisation from the eternal bigots.

But what if the latter actually have got it right? Shouldn't something have happened? Or does that have to wait until the bill passes the Lords? Or becomes and Act next year? It was all very disappointing. If the rebel Tories and their sundry allies really are on the side of the angels shouldn't there have been a few decent omens. Lowering skies, thunderbolts, the odd tsunami on Windermere and a bit of ash coming off Snowdon? And frogs. I distinctly remember being promised a plague of frogs. But nary a hint of skyfalling amphibians yesterday or today. I was really looking forward to the frogs.

Nor has my marriage felt under threat. Although, now I think back, we did have a bit of a row about sweeping the floor (mostly my failure to ever do it). Was that a sign? Is that divine intervention showing it's hand in a mildly petulant fashion? I think I'm beginning to get a handle on how this thing works.

Which takes me back to the frogs. And Nadine Dorries. Suddenly it becomes clear. The gods won't send a plague of frogs - just someone who sounds as mad as a box of frogs. Seen like that, our Nadine is gift from the skies, a bell weather of discontent and forthcoming catastrophe. Didn't we all suspect there was much more to her than just an utterly barking self-publicist? No? Oh, maybe not.

I do hope I get to discuss this subject properly with someone who is clearly opposed to the legislation. Especially if they would like to introduce Adam and Eve into the conversation. There's no better way to convince me of your philosophical credentials than using as evidence a story featuring a talking snake and in which the crux of the storyline hinges on eating a bit of fruit. Or am I getting mixed up with Snow White? Maybe their next example will be Kermit and Miss Piggy. I'm guessing Fozzy will feature as the evil family-wrecker in this one.

Meanwhile I find that my own MP, John Pugh of Southport, voted against the bill. One of only four brave Lib Dems to do so. Maybe he just wanted to stand out - not an easy task for one of Clegg's laddies these days. His principle objection appears to be the supposed decoupling of 'marriage' from 'family'. Now I've lived in Southport for a couple of decades and wasn't aware that adoptions were regarded as culturally different from family. I really should read the local rag more frequently. I think I may have to write to Mr P just to get a clarification of his views. And check that I'm not living in the constituency of a nasty, narrow minded, little bigot. I'm sure I've just misunderstood somewhere along the line. Maybe he read my blog piece (http://baclitter.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/the-problem-of-marriage-gay-or-not.html) and agrees with me that the whole marriage thing needs to be rethought from scratch? Maybe he wants proper equality that provides civil partnerships for heterosexual couples? Or maybe there are frogs involved....

So no portents, omens, signs, auguries, harbingers or disasters. What an anticlimax. And if they've just been delayed for a day or so I'm going to miss them. I'm now up in Scotland for a couple of weeks and the legislation won't apply here (give Holyrood a bit of time....) so no gods can be taking offence. Yet. Well, you'd think not, but our own special brand of discrimination has been much in evidence. Yes, Cardinal O'Brien is a shining example of how Scotland can do bigot at least as well as anywhere else. I'm so proud.

Maybe he can arrange some frogs for me?

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