Walked the walk

 THAT'S THAT THEN

Another Kiltwalk completed.  Possibly my last.  Or possibly not.  It was an early start by my usual standards...

I walked with Darren, who I didn't know very well before.  We both know a lot more about each other after four hours plodding along.  

And that helped a lot.  Chatting away takes the mind of what the body is doing, or struggling to do, makes the time go quicker, and he even put up with me saying how much I was looking forward to a hot bath for most of the last half of the walk...  We didn't really have a stop, other than when forced to at road crossings, and when we picked up a banana.  He could, I suspect, have gone quicker without me, but he never hinted as much.  Good lad - treating old people with respect!

The route was a bit different from past Kiltwalks, and surprised me a couple of times.  Which was also a bonus, as I was busy taking in my surroundings rather than the aches developing in tired muscles.  I did try to take a few photos along the way.  But was so determined to keep walking that most of them were truly rubbish, so here's the best of a bad bunch.  The final pic is really awful, I know, but shows the time we were about to cross the finish line.

So  that's it done.  Many, many thanks to those who donated.  And if you'd like to join them, here's the link.  It's available for another few days.

The day before the day

 

AND THEN THERE WERE TWO...

Tomorrow I don tartan and walking boots, and head off on a bit of a trek round North Edinburgh.  Kiltwalk day has finally arrived.  I am as well prepared for it as I'm going to be, and ready to punish my body in the name of Advocard.  Not without a couple of surprises though.

I had, foolishly, assumed the route would be the same as the one in 2019.  Only in the past week did I realise that we'll be starting, as well as finishing, at BT Murrayfield, and won't be going to Musselburgh at all.  The upside of this news being that the distance is only thirteen and a bit miles now - easy, eh?

The second surprise arrived this morning.  For the first time I was due to be walking as part of a team, with a couple of the guys from the office also doing the distance.  Only to hear that one of them has managed to fall down the stairs and one ankle is considerably bigger than the other.  So now I'm walking with the youngster (well, thirty something...) so I might end up walking on my own again.  I don't want to hold him back.  

But there's always the wee hot meal to look forward to...

News of the outcome to follow tomorrow.  

Meanwhile... if you're tempted to sponsor me to help raise funds for Advocard...  Here's the link.  Every penny is welcome folks.

This shit just got real

 

NO FRAUD THIS TIME

At the end of this post I will be asking you to sponsor me.  Again.  It's for a good cause - honest.  I've written about the work of Advocard in previous posts, so I won't bore anyone with that again, but they provide an increasingly essential service in Edinburgh.

Despite which, in the previous three years when I've done the Kiltwalk, I've always felt a bit guilty about asking for money for what I was doing.  We see enough people asking for support for doing things that are effectively their hobbies, and I have always done a fair bit of walking.  Maybe not the fourteen and half miles required here, but if walking to my destination seems a feasible option then that's the one I'd go for.  Walking that bit further required a bit of effort on my part, but I enjoyed it, both for the challenge it provided and the actual walking itself.  So my guilt was really because I felt a bit of a fraud.  The 'challenge' wasn't really great enough to stop me feeling a bit of a fraud.

Yesterday I did the full Kiltwalk course for the first time in 2022.  And I I won't feel like a fraud this year.  It will probably be the last time I attempt this distance, because my recent health problems have turned it into a genuine challenge, and I admit I struggled.  Had to sit down a couple of times.  Had to stop and do some stretches.   Had to convince myself to keep going whenever I passed a tempting bus stop.  Even that first glimpse of the endpoint, BT Murrayfield, didn't gee me on like it once did.  I got there, but the fun of past years is just a memory.

All of which is a long winded way of saying that if you ever thought about sponsoring my efforts before then this could be the last chance.  I realise it's hardly ideal to be saying this at a time when UKGov is ensuring that so many people are wondering if they can have food or heat this winter, but a lot of those people are the ones Advocard provides advocacy help for.  So anything you could spare would be much appreciated and going somewhere it will be of use to others.

Please click on this sentence to find my donations page. 

Still trying...

 

AS DEBBIE HARRY ONCE SAID...

You know the old joke about hospitals - you go in with one thing and come out with something worse?  Turns out the best jokes are based in truth.

In 2018 and 2019 I did the Kiltwalk charity walk, of around fourteen to fifteen miles, to raise funds for Advocard.  In 2020 there was no mass walk, but I did my own virtual Kiltwalk, down the Water of Leith Walkway, for the same charity.  The 2021 walk only took place in Glasgow, so I skipped last year, but was quick to sign up again for 2022.  Maybe too quick.

I've already posted a couple of times about my efforts so far, here and here.  In previous years there would usually have been about half a dozen posts, all pleading for your money.  My relative reticence is, as the previous posts suggested, a reflection of my own doubts, and lack of faith in these steadily declining physical abilities.  I've mentioned the breathing problems, which continue to make it hard work up even gradual inclines, and the minor heart problem.  This week has brought new revelations.  Some more heart tests on Wednesday unveiled another problem, potentially more serious.  Fortunately walking, and the aerobic exercise it provides, is beneficial in holding this at bay, so that's a relief.

But another walk today also reminded me how slow I will be.  I still haven't done the full fourteen and a half miles - twelve and a half is my longest so far, so there remains a nagging doubt about my ability to complete the distance.  Today's efforts suggest that rather than the three and a half hours I'd hoped to be aiming for, I might struggle to make four and a half.  Oh well...

In the past I've always done these walks solo.  This year, on the day, there will be three or four of us.  All considerably younger than me so I have no intention of trying to compete!  They might even walk with me for a bit until they find themselves bored with crawling speed.  

So here I am again, looking for sponsorship along with the motivation that provides.  And come the eighteenth of September I will make it to the finish line in BT Murrayfield - one way or another.

You can go to my donations page from this link.  

Walk smarter, not quicker

 DON'T ASK HOW LONG IT'LL TAKE, JUST IF...?

Two days ago I became a proper OAP.  Yesterday I walked more than ten miles.  Today I ache.  Spot the obvious connections.

Once again I have signed up to do the Kiltwalk charity event in September.  My first, in 2018, my sole aim was to get to the end.  For the next I wanted to be quicker, and did the fourteen and a bit miles in three hours thirty three minutes.  Frustratingly close to three and a half hours, so that was to be my aim in 2020, if the same course was in use.  But we know what happened next.  And again in '21.  So here I am, trying again.  The route has yet to be announced, but I know one thing.  I won't be doing it in three and a half hours.

Three years older, complete with the subtle physical modifications that gradual decrepitude  brings.  A clear thickening around the middle.  Two bouts of the oh-so-fashionable covid virus, leaving me with (my GP suggests) a few breathing problems from long covid.  I have finally entered the world of daily meds, for a mild heart condition.  And the dodgy left knee gets ever dodgier.  Intimations of mortality

But the optimistic part of my brain still goes "you've done it before, you can do it again".  While the inner realist reflect on all those changes, and wonders...

I haven't tried on the kilt for a long time. Will it still fit, comfortably enough to wear for so many hours?  I can always get another kilt though. I can't get another body, so I'll have to make the best of the one I've got.

I've now put nine walks behind me, from less than five miles, up to yesterday's first effort at passing the ten mark.  I've learned that I have to pace myself - as the one attempt to push on at something like my old speed resulted in me feeling like shit for all of the day after!  Yesterday's ten and a bit felt comfortable enough.  But took over three hours.  A pace that would take me over the four hour mark on the day.  

It's not as if it matters.  If anyone is going to sponsor me I'm sure they'll not make it conditional on my pushing myself to the point of exhaustion, or covering the distance in a certain time.  The most important thing is to collect some money for Advocard, my chosen charity once more.  And this year, for the first time, I won't be alone in my kilted effort, with at least one other and possibly more joining in.  But there's still this stupid pride thing that us humans do.  And knowing that the one thing about getting old is not actually wanting to feel like you're getting old.  I just wish that optimistic wee voice I mentioned within would learn to shut up.

Click here to be taken to my donations page.

I did it - honest! (a post with evidential value)

 

VIRTUAL KILTWALK, REAL KILT, REAL WALKING

Many thanks to all those who've donated to my Virtual Kiltwalk page (or those who are still thinking about it...), with the top up from the Hunter Foundation that's well over £400 raised for Advocard.  I did the promised walk today, but since it was a solo effort, unobserved, you might harbour some doubts as to whether I actually bothered to whether I actually bothered making the effort to justify your parting with your hard-earned!  So I thought I'd try to provide a bit of evidence, and show some of the highlights of the Water of Leith Walkway, should you ever feel tempted to trudge that way.

A 5 step guide to walking the Walkway :

1.  Get a 44 out to Balerno

2.  Do some stretches to make it look to passing onlookers like you know what you're doing

3.  Take obligatory selfie with signpost marking the start.

4.  Start walking 

5.  Keep on walking until you get to the end...

The startline signpost tells lies.  How else to explain this one over 20 minutes down the road?  Is this to deter the uncommitted walker?

The first few miles are devoid of recognisable landmarks.  Mostly woodland with the odd break for the back end of spam belt housing outposts.  So the first really photogenic point on the route is almost an hour down the road - the recently completed murals in the Colinton Tunnel.  

The work of local artist Chris Rutterford, aided by sundry schoolkids and the local community, is a multi coloured marvel of words and images and visual stories.  If you're in Edinburgh and you haven't been to see it yet - why not.  This is just a brief excerpt of what's filling the 140m of wallspace.

For the rest of the walk there are plenty of familiar points to show where I've been so I took a few more along the way.  Starting with The Water of Leith Visitor Centre at Slateford.  No time to stop today, but it's a handy loo and sustenance stop if you're going for more of a saunter than a hike.

Twenty minutes more and I'm on my way through Saughton Park.

Followed rapidly by one of the city's most iconic sporting venues...

And then on to a far less recognisable gladiatorial arena...

Featuring the new mini-Murrayfield where I hope I'll be watching Edinburgh Rugby do their thing in X weeks/months time - ?

A little further and frst of the Anthony Gormley men embedded in the river - I'll be giving the Stockbridge one a miss, but the other two pop up a bit later.

Then the most tiring bit of the day - there's a couple of climbs to get up to pass by the scenic prettiness of the Dean Village.

Almost at Stockbridge, so why not a quickie of St Bernard's Well?

I promised another couple of those Gormleys.  Here's the one near Powderhall.

And then on to the same at Bonnington

And that means I'm nearly there.  It didn't feel like it, but coming out on to the sight of The Shore certainly did.

And then I was there, at the Victoria Swing Bridge, a tragedy of it's former self these days.  But the view's still pretty good.

And that was that.  Three hours and seventeen minutes of boot plodding interspersed with fleeting moments of stop-snap-go to take the above pictures.  

Of course the naturally suspicious among you (Hello George - where's my banana?) might justifiably query if those timestamps really show I've done the groundwork.  Might he not have used a bike between stops?  Or even drifted from one checkpoint to another on four wheels?  I accept you suspicion and counter with a screenshot of my step count/pattern, and a map of my walk.  You'll just have accept that I'm not smart enough to fake those.  That sounds credible, doesn't it?

Finally...  If anyone reading would still like to donate then please click on this link.

Thanks again.

Going for a song

SURPRISE CONNECTION?

It took Barbara by surprise.  It had certainly surprised me.  She came into the kitchen to find me sobbing..  The full works, shoulders heaving, tear tracks shining on cheeks, salt in beard, incapable of giving voice. When I could eventually speak with any coherence it was to say a song had set me off.  Just a song.

A few months before I'd attended a two day course, something my volunteering with Advocard gives me the occasional opportunity to take part on.  This one was held in the zoo (good to have the chance to wander round for free) on Suicide Awareness (any humour was likely to be of the deep black variety...).  In my years of advocacy work I've had several service users tell me about their suicidal thoughts, or past attempts to end their lives, so anything which makes me better equipped to deal with those situations was welcome.  Of course the tutors ran the sessions with great sensitivity, but it inevitably brought up personal memories for many of the students.

So it took me back to 2002 and phone call from Edinburgh Police.  We were still living in England at the time so it was unlikely to be anything but bad news.  My father was dead, having gone out to South Queensferry, walked out on to the road bridge and jumped.  No obvious lead up, no note, no unexpected problems left behind, no reason.  By and large I didn't find that too hard to cope with, bar suddenly bursting into tears in the florist when ordering the funeral flowers.  I'd been away from Edinburgh for over two decades so he wasn't a part of my daily life, which usually makes bereavement even harder to deal with. 

So there in the zoo the memories were just that - memories, nothing that upset me overmuch.  And yet there I was in a kitchen chair, a few months later, overwhelmed in a way I never was at the time of the suicide or at any point since.  What connected song, lyrics, and memory into a script that had me helpless as the denouement?

In May 2018 it was announced that Scott Hutchison's body was found in the Forth.  Hutchison was the lead singer and songwriter for Scots band Frightened Rabbit.  I knew a small something of their music, without having listened often, and had seen, and been impressed with,  Scott when he performed as a guest on a BBC Fringe show a couple of years before.  The link with my father 's death was obvious, but the differences were far greater.  Hutchison was so much younger, had a history of depression and had sent out messages hinting strongly at the action he was about to take.  I was upset for Scott and those who knew him, but it didn't affect me otherwise.  Later I'd play some Frightened Rabbit albums and even the track Floating in the Forth didn't trigger any great flow of emotion.

So surprise it was when listening to the wonderful album "Karine Polwart's SCottish Songbook".  Track five is a Hutchison song.  Swim Until You Can't See Land.  "Are you a man or a bag of sand?" goes the chorus.  I'd listened to the song before.  But there must have been something about the moment.  A few moments alone and at peace, Polwart's clarity of diction and phrasing, a mind receptive to suggestion perhaps?  And then those words had the power to connect, transform and open up a mind taken unawares.

And yet it's no surprise really, is it?  The human brain has an immense capacity for storing data, and prioritising it in a way that allows us to get on our with our lives.  And that same brain can make seemingly random connections, pulling together forgotten ingredients o serve up unexpected flavours.  Traumatic events never leave us, we succeed in overcoming them by letting them sink below the level of our daily consciousness.  And then along comes a song...

Click here for the Karine version of the song.

Click here for the song lyrics.

And click here for the Frightened Rabbit original, with the man himself.  

PS I can listen to the song with pleasure now, both versions, so it really was all in the moment.

Walking, advocacy and kilts 11 (with added tartan)

REAL KILTWALKING

I haven't written one of these posts for a while, mostly because they were getting to be boringly repetitive.  In the intervening weeks I've had four more walks, a couple of interesting advocacy appointments (fewer than usual with the Fringe being in town this month!) and an email from Kiltwalk that has meant a slight rethink to my planned target.  Plus my training regime is getting help from mechanical failure...

Three of the walks took the same route I've done before, from home to the tram stop at Murrayfield Stadium, and that seems to have become my default 'short route'.  It's good as it's mostly away from roads, follows the second part of the actual route I'll be doing on the day, and has a lengthy slope to climb.  Each time I've managed to improve my time by a minute.  Today, as the photo above suggests, I finally got the kilt out and wore that for the walk.  No unexpected chafing, and it was good to feel the breeze round my nethers.

Last week's walk took the Water of Leith path again, from Balerno to Leith.  And showed an improvement of ten minutes over my previous effort.  Three hours and thirteen minutes to cover about twelve and a quarter miles.  Last year the same walk usually got close to the four hour mark, so maybe I am a bit fitter this year?

That ties in with the news from Kiltwalk.  They've moved the starting point forward, deeper into Musselburgh, so the total distance is now only fourteen and half miles.  That makes a lot of sense.  Last year the start line was only a hundred metres from a busy road to be crossed, then went into a single file section that caused a big bottleneck.  This time the start is on a wider expanse, allowing people to find their own pace more quickly.  But it does mean that my stated aim to complete the course in four and quarter hours is now meaningless.  However that slight reduction in the distance to be covered, and the time I managed down the river last week, has me wondering if completing the walk in under four hours will be possible?  So now my target - wind, rain, hail, snow and injuries permitting - is to beat four hours.  Who'll give me extra money for the cause if I do it?

Speaking of which....

With little more than a month to go it's about time I started pestering people for cash.  Who's going to be first to donate?  Click on this sentence for the link to the donations page.

By way of incentive here's a bit about one of my recent experiences doing advocacy work.  I was asked to accompany a woman to her Universal Credit assessment.  She came from one a war torn country in Africa, and, although she spoke very good English, she was clearly very worried about the process.  We met a few days before, and I took her through the kinds of information she might be asked to provide.  It's an awkward situation, having to ask someone you've never met before for extremely personal information, and it never ceases to amaze me that people are willing to do so despite only meeting me ten minutes before.  I always like to ensure I've asked someone all the worst questions they might face.  Better to be prepared in this less stressful situation than to have it sprung on them during an interview that will do much to determine the quality of their lives.

But, for once, the assessment process itself proved less difficult than usual, largely down to a sympathetic and intelligent assessor.  He concentrated on asking all about her physical disabilities (severe back pain meant she walked with crutches, and chronic incontinence is a constant worry for her), reckoning they were more than enough to demonstrate to the DWP that she was incapable of working.  That spared her having to discuss her mental health issues, and we were out in about thirty minutes (most assessments seem to go on for more than an hour).  So all credit to this particular assessor.  I wish they were all like that.

As we left she still thanked me profusely, despite my having had very little to do during the assessment.  I think it's just having someone there who's on your side that seems to make a big difference to people, especially those who have difficulties expressing themselves or react badly to stressful situations.  Advocacy works.  So give us your money!

PS  I mentioned mechanical failure had proved to be a help to my walking preparations.  We live on the fifth floor.  The lift has been out of action for about three weeks now, and they can't get the necessary brake part.  It looks like we may need a new lift, but we'll be lucky to have it by Xmas.  Doing all those stairs a few times each day must be having some fitness benefits, eh?  Even it is very slow progress.  (This news may make anyone considering visiting us want to reconsider for a while!)

Walking, advocacy and kilts 8

ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER

I've enjoyed my practice walks so far (with the obvious exception of last week!), and have felt comfortable with the distances I've walked.  To the extent that, although I'm committed to the 15 mile distance this year, there's a part of my brain wondering if in 2020 I should attempt the longer distance of 25 miles, before I start to get too old to have a go.  And then there are days like today, when the idea comes up and my brain just goes "Naaaawww".

Although my injuries from the fall last week were minor, there was a pain in my ribs stopped me from doing much exercise.  Add in a mild summer cold and I wan't feeling my best.  Ho hum, there will be days like that, and I'm pleased I still did the distance I was aiming for, albeit a lot more slowly than usual.  I'd been to the Mail depot near Portobello to pick up a parcel, so I started the walk from there, along Seafield and the dock road to the river, then up the water of Leith Walkway to Murrayfield Stadium.  With the odd detour along the way it was just a bit under ten miles.  In a painfully slow three hours.  At least I know I can do better.  At least I did it.

The most exciting moment of the journey was having a wee Leith woman shout abuse at me.  She and her pal were busy gabbing, left me little room on a narrow path, and out arms slightly bumped together.  From her reaction you'd have thought I'd gone the full Mark Field!  I walked on, leaving the swans to cope with the 'interesting' language.

More variety in my voluntary duties last week, with a guy who needs a referral to a psychologist, but feels he's being blocked.  I made a phone call which may help.  And there was another PIP assessment, rarely a cheerful assignment as the service user is so stressed by the proceedings.  But, as is often the case, he felt he couldn't have got through it if he hadn't had someone along.  It's nice to feel necessary sometimes.

Now I've made my commitment, and registered on the Kiltwalk site to do what they call The Big Stroll, which is the fifteen and half mile walk.  A team has been set up called "The Devil's Advocates" and I'm hoping half a dozen colleagues will be joining me in it.  We'll even have Advocard tee shirts made up - preferably in a colour that won't clash with my kilt!

This means, inevitably, that I'm going to have to start nagging people for money.  Plenty of time for that yet, with well over two months into the day, but that does mean two months of nagging from me....

Here's a link to my page, and a few wee photos from yesterday's plod.

Walking, advocacy and kilts 7

WET WEATHER WALKING

As anyone who was in the city yesterday will know, Edinburgh was a bit on the damp and breezy side.  But I'd committed myself to having another walk, the first for a couple of weeks, and who knows what conditions may be like in September, so out I went into a less than summery summers day.  It provided my most "interesting" walk to date.

Down to Newhaven, head east along the coast, until I finally reached Musselburgh a couple of hours further on.  It was wet, I was wet.  It was windy, I was... 'refreshed'.  Looking north there was no sign of Fife.  No sign of anything but a short stretch of water and a dense wall of greyness. 

When you wear glasses there are two choices on a day like this.  Take them off and not really be able to see where you're going.  Or leave them on and not really be able to see where you're going.  I chose the latter, but I don't think either option would have helped me avoid having an involuntary lie down.  I was on Baltic Street, an uninspiring location even when the sun shines down.  Nobody around, just a few cars passing, which I tried to keep an eye on in relation to their juxtaposition with the massive puddles that sat kerbside.  One second I'm pushing on through the rain, the next I'm horizontal.  The speed with which it happened probably saved me from any real injury, as I didn't even have time to stick an involuntary arm out (which is what often leads to broken bones).  Picking myself up I swiftly identified the culprit, given there was nothing else around.  A loop of thick wire, just big enough to capture both my feet at once and propel me asphaltwards.

I did think about turning back and getting a bus home.  But an assessment of the damage concluded that the worst thing seemed to be stinging palms.  And I don't walk on my hands, so on I went.  I was glad I did, or I'd have missed out on the most exhilarating walking experience so far.  Walking along an empty Porty Prom with the rain and sea blowing into my face was a glorious feeling and more than made up for my brief recumbent interlude. 

Still no airing for the kilt yet.  I was glad it wasn't with me yesterday, what with the potential for damage, and the general sogginess that accompanies wet weather kilt wearing.  But it needs to come out soon, so look out for an update in July.

Plenty of Advocard duties in the last week.  Two of the things I most enjoy about the role is the variety and unpredictability of what I'll be asked to do from one service user to another.  In the past couple of weeks it's included helping someone work out their options for getting their employer to make reasonable adjustment for their anxiety in the workplace (it may work out as simple as moving to a different desk); going to see a housing officer about getting a move because the person I'm with is experiencing health issues from his current accommodation; and helping someone speak out to ask for different treatment from the mental health services.  Two of those people talked about suicide so there's sometimes some real urgency in helping them towards a resolution of their difficulties.  I also went on a short training course about understanding and working with people who self harm.  Advocard are good about trying to provide us with the skills we need to do the job better.

A negative side to the weather yesterday was it made taking photos tricky, so I've nothing much to show for my eight miles , except this brightly coloured little boat in Fisherrow Harbour.  That and a graze on my knee....

Walking, advocacy and kilts 6

FOLLOW THE WIGGLY LINE

This line in the ground marks the start of the Water of Leith Walkway, out in Balerno to the southwest of the city.  It's the path the river follows from there until it reaches Leith Docks, and there's a duplicate line in the ground on The Shore in Leith.  And it's about 12 miles to walk there.

I wanted to start stretching myself a bit more, and get a bit nearer to the distance I'll be doing in September.  This walk is almost entirely off road, and there's a visitor centre after about 5 miles, which means a loo break.  You have to think of these things at my age.

And it's a really nice walk, much of it tree lined, the occasional open views, past Murrayfield Stadium and Ice Rink, the pleasures of St Bernard's Well and umpteen parks along the way.  A few tunnels too, going under roads mostly, and some showing off a colourful interior.  You can't argue with the message in this one.  So I did.

There was a lot of mud to try and keep out of, and a few crazed cyclists who decided that not using a bell to warn walkers would add some excitement to their lives (bastards....), but with no other traffic it's possible to let you attention wander.  Since most of the walk is through central areas of the city there's a decent 4G signal much of the time.  So I walked along watching Dominic Thiem trying, and eventually failing, to be the one to unseat Rafa's dominance of Paris clay.

The weather varied, but no rain came, despite some gloomy moments.  But Dean Village looked as photogenic as ever.

I walked this route a few times last year, as part of my then preparations, and never really beat the four hour mark by much.  So it was good to find I'd done the journey in just a few minutes over the three and a half hours.  I later calculated that meant an average speed of just over 3.4mph.  Not bad, but must do better.  To hit my Kiltwalk target time I need to be doing nearer to 3.7mph.  Lots of work to do yet.  And I suspect quite a bit of it will mean aiming for Victoria Bridge again.

My Advocacy work last week sounded straightforward enough.  A woman had been sent a cheque by a bank back in 2016, but had been too ill to cash it.  By the time she was able to try, the 6 month limit has elapsed.  She's tried several times to get a replacement, she's had her daughter helping her, and some other advice, and got nowhere.  All of us have experienced these situations, getting passed from one person to another, waiting for calls back that never happen, the ostensibly helpful turning into the wilfully uncooperative.  Imagine how much worse that experience is if you suffer from acute anxiety, if you have no confidence that you are able to get your message across, if every setback feels like the ed of the line.

I made a couple of calls and learned that bank of Scotland branches can act as agents for Lloyds nowadays, so I arranged for us to go to a BoS branch.  But the promised meeting and help evaporated, and we had to leave with a promise that someone would be back in tomorrow and deal with it.  Sounds familiar....

No matter.  I now have people to talk to, face to face, and if nothing gets done we'll be back.  This woman is going to get her cheque.