BEING MINDFUL
A few weeks ago I stopped off in a pub in Newington (in south Edinburgh) in need of sustenance. Burger ordered, pint in hand, I made my way to a table in the far corner. To my right two young women, probably students, busy with their laptops. To my left a lad I would, at first glance, have described as a bit of a jakey. Cropped hair, tattoos, denim, near skeletal and vacant of expression. Not the person to engage in conversation. Maybe.
So I got my book out, started to read and supped at my beer. Then the lad got up and started patting all his pockets. As he'd just been rolling a fag it seemed obvious that he was looking for a lighter so I smiled and preempted the likely question by saying I didn't have a lighter and what a pain it was when you had so many pockets and no idea which one of them held the object you needed. He found it eventually, went for his smoke, then came back to the remains of his pint. At which point I found him in the mood to talk.
Books, covers, don't judge, eh? In part my judgement proved correct, but this guy was also full of surprises, and taught me a thing or two. The biggest surprise was his opening gambit. Had I ever tried mindfulness? This was not what I'd expected. I admitted I hadn't, although I had heard of it, and had a had a go at various meditation techniques in the past, but never found anything that worked for me.
He was on his way to his regular mindfulness session - I think he was scheduled to attend two or three a week - and was really looking forward to. I mean, REALLY looking forward to it. Because he truly believed that it had played a big part in turning his life around. Not so long ago he'd been a heroin addict, had lost all proper contact with family and friends, got into trouble with the police. I wasn't clear if he'd spent time in prison, but if he hadn't then he was almost certainly on his way there. Nor was he very forthcoming on what had actually prompted this huge change in his way of living. What he did want to share with me, and possibly anyone else who would listen, was that he'd now been clean for months, and that mindfulness had played a huge role in turning him around.
He went into details about how hard it had been at first. Not just the coming off the drugs, but learning to reach the mental and emotional state that the mindfulness exercises required. That emptying his mind was something he could achieve easily on drugs, but that state, that degree of detachment from the physical world, was now a sensation he could experience simply through his own mental effort. That no matter how hard, and at times pointless, the process had seemed at first, in the end it was all justified by the results. Now he was not only drug free, but able to hold down a job and interact with society. (It did cross my mind that he may have been told to engage in exactly the sort of conversation he was having with me, whenever the opportunity arose, as part of his rehabilitation process - ?) Now his drug of choice was the mindfulness meditation technique and it felt like this had become the centerpiece of his life.
Eventually he said he had to go as his class would be starting soon and he very definitely did not want to be late for it. Indeed I felt he might be the first to arrive! Just before he stood up he got out his paper and tobacco(?) and rolled another smoke. I imagined this was to help calm him before the start of his session. But no. He put it down in front of me and said 'Enjoy'. I made him take it with him, rather than seeing it go to waste, making sure he understood it was because I'd never smoked. So he didn't seem at all offended by my refusal and off he went smiling, presumably not to be seen again (this wasn't a pub I'd been in before, or am likely to visit often in the future).
But the memory of our brief chat, and that gesture of kindness at it's close, will stay with me. Here was a totally unexpected moment of pleasure, from a seemingly unlikely source. And I told myself off for being such a judgemental and patronising old bugger. This lad had mastered, and benefited from, a technique which I have never been able to come to terms with. It's true that I have never attended classes, and only made the effort on my own, but it still felt like something I would never fully get my head around. I can listen to my own breathing for no more than thirty seconds before my mind insists on drifting away into my usual state of daydreamedness. He has may admiration, as well as my gratitude for providing such a bright spot in my day.
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