Children should be seen and not heard?

THE KIDS FESTIVAL?  SOMETIMES....

My last post, harking back to events in August, reminded me of another thought I had at that time and it still feels worth sharing.

Anyone who knows me well will be aware of my paedophobic tendencies.  I have spent most of my life trying, where possible, to avoid the company of small children (or even large ones).  They simply make me feel uneasy, that's all, in much the same way dogs or cats or spiders do to other people.  So I certainly don't pretend to be an expert of the subject of bringing them up.

But, despite this, I did notice that the Edinburgh Fringe seems to be catering for the needs, and entertainment, of children more and more.  This year there seemed to be far more shows advertised that were aimed at a younger audience, and lots of street acts too.  It would seem easy to find something for your child to enjoy, and the Fringe is making itself as family friendly as possible.

Although even I can see that there must be some limitations.  Making your way through densely packed streets is sometimes bad enough for someone my size, so I imagine it might hold occasional moments of terror if you're only two feet tall.  If you're going to 'do' the Fringe than you have to be willing to brave the tidal flows of Festival-goers in their many thousands.

Some adapt to this in their own way.  I have heard a comedian tell of, and seen for myself, parents who use their pram/pushchair as a form of weapon, a battering ram to carve a path through the hordes, expecting that people will fall aside when confronted with the magic they wield.  Like I said, I'm no expert, but is that approach in any of the myriad childcare manuals?

Of course the parents have come to Edinburgh to enjoy a bit of culture themselves, not just to see their kids entertained, so they want to see something a bit more grown up than three puppets in a plastic boat.  But where do you find child care in a city that's in the throws of hedonism?  This is not a question some of them seem to have asked before they turn up.  Which brings me to the two incidents which inspired this wee rant.

Phill Jupitus is a bit of a TV star now, but began as a street poet, and each year at the Fringe he reincarnates himself as Porky the Poet.  Although it's on around five o'clock it is emphatically not a kids show.  It isn't advertised as such, there are no grounds for suspecting that it might be.  So when a couple brought their twelve year old along and plonked themselves down in the front row it wasn't quite what Mr J was expecting. He was, as you'd expect, pretty decent about it.  He asked the kid how old he was, he asked the parents if they knew what kind of show he was about to deliver, he gave every kind of hint you might ask for.  When there was no sign of them moving he told the kid he'd be learning some new words and concepts that none of his schoolmates would know about yet.  And still they insisted on saying.

Personally I'm glad they did. Because Porky then proceeding to rip the piss out of said parents at frequent intervals during the following hour.  Which he seemed to enjoy, and the rest of the audience did, and maybe even the kid.  Well, the bits he understood.  As for the parents?  Who cares....

Our final Fringe show of 2014 was a Glasgow comedian called Janey Godley.  If you don't know here then check her stuff on YouTube.  Very funny.  And very sweary.  The show was just getting going when a woman came to the door with a small child.  Janey went over, told her this wasn't a good idea, and she had the sense to recognise the wisdom in this and turned back.  Which prompted Ms Godley to relate the tale of a less readily convinced punter she'd had in a few days earlier.

Two parents with a small girl.  Janey did the same as above, went over and explained that this really wasn't a show that was suitable for children.  The parents argued that it was up to them as they'd paid for their tickets.  The Godley voiced was raised in volume so that all could hear. "Why would you want to bring in a wee kid in to see a woman who says 'cunt' a lot?"

They got the point.  They left.  Now that's my kind of show.