Ego massage, courtesy of Google

WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT GOOGLE?

I am not a very practical person, at least not when it comes to anything requiring some kind of manual dexterity.  Like pretty much all DIY jobs.  But over the years a lack of money, or thrift (OK, meanness....), or bloody mindedness has meant I've tackled a variety of jobs around the home.  With, admittedly, very varying degrees of success.  In fact if you're a carpenter or the like you might be best to stop reading now, because what follows may just be too painful.

This time it was the decor door on the dishwasher.  Integrated appliances in kitchens look great, but are a pain when something needs doing.  I can recall, in a previous home, ordering a washing machine to replace one that was built in.  But when the men arrived they were baffled by the way it had been installed.  The plinth underneath had been put in in a way that made it impossible to remove.  In the end they took it away, we ordered a freestanding replacement, and I had to saw out a section of plinth.  Not exactly elegant, but it worked.

This one was much simpler.  The decor door had fallen off, partly because it's upper section had split form the lower.  So first I had to find a way to restore the rigidity to the panel.  That proved simple enough, once I adopted a solution my wife came up (I did say I'm not very practical.)  Then I had to get it back on to the door, which looked like this.

Easy, eh?  It will just clip back into place.

Oh no it won't.  What do I do now?

It's 2017 so there's an obvious answer.  Get on to Google with the model number and see what can be found.  After a bit of searching I came across what I was looking for.  And the answer was simple to implement.  Once you knew how.  Now our door looks like this.

Then I can't help but wonder if I'd ever have arrived at the answer without the powerful resource of the internet?  And, if I ever did, just how long it might have taken me to figure out?  Once upon a time we had Haynes manuals for fiddling about with our cars.  Now there's Google for, well, just about everything.

That aspect is patently obvious.  But using the web as opposed to more old school methods often has another benefit.  I found the answer I was looking for on a discussion forum, on a thread that started with someone who'd found themselves in the same situation.  So not only did Google give me the fix I needed.  But it made me feel better about myself by showing me there are other people who are just as stupid as I am.  I feel reassured in my incompetence.  Haynes manuals never did that.

Aren't some details more important than others?

SOMETIMES THE LITTLE THINGS SHOULD BE BIGGER

Advertising is everywhere.  Advertising finds much of the free stuff we use every day on the internet (like this blogging site).  It's become so universal that's also incredibly easy to ignore.  A part of my brain is aware that there are ads there every time I go on Facebook, or Gmail, the many websites I might come across in the course of a day.  They're there on telly, in the cinema, on the sides of buses.  Maybe the advertisers think that there will be a subliminal effect of reinforcing their product, or company name, or brand, or whatever they like to call it, in my mind.  But I certainly don't think I take any notice of them, indeed often I forget they're there.  If there's a 'Sponsored Post' on Facebook or Instagram I'll scroll right on past.  Unless there's a very striking image that grabs my attention.

It's the same in the real world, most of what's out there just flies past me.  But, as on screen, sometimes you see one that catches the attention.

So this is one of those.

The word play amused me.  Well done advertiser, you got my attention.  But.  I can just about see it's an ad for somebody called Fine Holm.  I've never heard of them, have no idea what they do.  Seen from a car or a bus you'd be none the wiser.  Only because I decided to go over and take that photo did I find they are 'property experts'.  Which might mean estate agent, or rental agency, or.... who knows?

OK, there's a bit of a clue in the word Home being there twice, and I suppose the company name gives a vague hint.  But really, who'd know?  What's the point?  Is this just being a bit too clever for it's own good?

Choosing the right EU car

BUT YOU MUST BUY THE CAR THAT WE TOLD YOU TO....

I need to replace the family car, but what with? It needs to be able to take all five of us and our luggage, but also has to be economical, reliable and comfy for my long frame on trips away. A dealer or specialist nearby would be handy as well.

Eventually, having had a bit of a look around, I narrow it down to a choice of two, but I'm not sure which to go for. We have a family meeting and the agreed choice is Car A. They all think it looks more stylish than B, could even be considered cool.

So I go off to test drive them. And do some further research. The more I find out the more the reasons to choose Car B stack up. Compared to A it's a lot comfier to drive, cheaper to run, and there's an independent specialist near my work. Ownership reports suggest Car A has had issues with the electrics and that there have been reports of wheels falling off.  (One self-aggrandising owner even tried to make out if was an "assassination" attempt!)

Then, about six weeks after the previous one, I call another family meeting. I tell them that, despite their advice, which was based on what they knew at the time, it's now Car B we'll be having. I explain all the reasons, based on the new information I've discovered since they gave their opinion.

My partner understands completely, our eldest agrees that I've done the research and it's the obvious conclusion, the middle one grumbles a bit and sulks for a couple of days, and the youngest throws a tantrum that goes of for weeks, constantly wailing that it was 'the will of the family'.

And that, I hazard a guess, is how Brexit is going to pan out....

Theatrespotting in Leith

LEITH THEATRE

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The recent news that Leith-born novelist Irvine Welsh will be the leading face of the project to restore Leith Theatre into becoming a working venue once again made me divert my steps that way to have another look at the neglected art deco building.

Hidden away behind the circularity of Leith Library it's not as immediately noticeable from the road, although you can see it quite clearly, beyond the grand mural, from North Junction Street.

The narrow curving driveway makes it hard to gain an overall impression of the place, and any building that's been in disuse since the eighties is going to be showing signs of neglect.

The back of the building can also provide hints as to how it must once have looked.

I have been to the adjoining Thomas Morton Hall a couple of times, for gigs from local musicians, and it's a pleasant enough space, but with a whiff of community centre about it.

The theatre itself is an altogether grander place inside, as the entrance and lobby hint at, and does get used for weddings.

There have been several attempts to get Leith Theatre working again over the past decades, but funding has always been an issue.  Here's hoping the support form one of the most famous living Leithers will provide the impetus to success this time around.  It would be a great boost to the area, could provide an alternative music venue at a time when such places are getting more scarce, and draw tourists down to somewhere in Leith other than the bloody Britannia, especially during the Fringe.  Even as it stands now it's worth a wee look if you're in the area.

A world less safe

APOCALYPSE WHEN?

I'm not quite old enough to be able to recall the state of global tension that existed at the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis, but it's still remembered as one of those terrifying periods when the possibility of a global nuclear war seemed an all too real possibility. Since then the threat of a man-made apocalypse has been more or less likely, depending on international events. The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists' Science and Security Board publishes their up to date of the likelihood in the form of the Doomsday Clock.  The early eighties felt like a very dangerous time, partly due to Reagan's hawkish posturing, and the demise of the Soviet Union greatly reduced that sense of imminence.

Since that time the world has felt safer, at least in nuclear conflict terms, than it did in the decades immediately following the Second World War. However the aforementioned Doomsday Clock does paint this greater sense of security as somewhat false, at least since the early years of the new century. But the threats posed by Iran, North Korea and Israel, which have been the major sources of concern, now look minor when faced with the way the world is shaping up in 2017.

Putin's Russia has shown signs of aggressive expansionism. China is concerned to protect it's interests as it expands it's influence globally. And into this picture comes a USA led by a thin-skinned, narcissistic neofascist. At a time when cool heads and stability are called for.... Having Trump in command of the world's largest concentration of nuclear destruction is like giving control of the dinosaur herd to Fred Flintstone. You've no idea what they're going to do, but it will be on an irrational impulse, probably angry, and almost certain to end badly. The Orange One is on course to make Dubya look like a great statesman by comparison.

When his election victory was announced there were hopes raised that he would be making sensible appointments to his cabinet, sage advisers who would be able to rein in his excesses. But when your Secretary of Defence comes with the moniker 'Mad Dog' the signs aren't promising.

Into this uncertain mixture we can through in uncertainty in Europe. At a time when stability appears critical we have the idiocy of the UK wanting to leave the EU, and the threat that fascists might win power in France and The Netherlands. A Europe that is at odds with itself is exactly what Putin would like to see, especially if an isolationist USA distances itself from the coming to the protection of the old Eastern Bloc countries.

Of course the 'Brexit' nonsense can still be stopped, and the shoddiness of the approach being taken may be leading it to fall apart. Polls indicate that a Le Pen victory is unlike in the French presidential race, and Wilders is still an outsider threat in Holland. But the polls said Hillary would be president....

2017 feels like return to the past in so many ways. But the most worrying is the likely impact it has on the Doomsday Clock. We are living in dangerous times.

It's ukip comedy time

CULT WANTS SWORD TAKEN TO CULT LEADER

As if the UK honours system wasn’t already farcical enough, there have been calls from the ukip nutter brigade for Nigel Farage to be given ‘recognition’ for his ‘achievements’.  A knighthood some even venture to suggest.  Now, while it's hard not to feel some interest in the idea of a sword blade being applied to the frog-faced one's neck, you can't help wonder what they think he's done to deserve an accolade.

It's because, they suggest, he’s been responsible for putting the UK government in the position it finds itself in now.

Well.

Quite….

How so?  Well, the slimy one himself says so, so it must be true, mustn't it?

It would be good if he did actually take some responsibility for the mess we're now in, but that's not really the ukip way.  But it's worth recalling he was sidelined by the main Leave campaign for being too toxic a figure, and that we should be damning the BBC for complicity in giving him far more exposure, with so little scrutiny, than his party's electoral results deserved.  Farage has played a part in what's taken place, but nowhere near as much as the bragging blowhard would have us believe.

However the cult of Saint Nige attracts a special kind of window licker, who’ll happily, gullibly swallow every lying word from their messiah.  The narcissistic, hate-mongering, fox-bothering,semi-alcoholic, hypocritical, taxpayer-funded, posh-boy twat could tell them the earth was flat and they'd start worrying about falling off the edges.  And blaming the EU of course.

But PM May might well want Fuhrage to take the 'credit' for the mess her government is now in.  Because the leave people who claim they 'won' seem to have forgotten one important part of the process.  There's not much point in claiming there's been a revolution if you have no idea how to enact it.  And so far there's been no sign that anyone in government has a clue.  As for ukip.... lot's of noise and bluster, but as for any practical ideas, just tumbleweed.  Hardly surprising when they've never given much indication that they actually understand how the law works.

NoW May’s leading Europhobic ministers are already finding that reality, and the rule of law, are interfering with their delusions - Davis and Fox (I'm not counting our Foreign Secretary as we all know his sole motivation is to further the career of one B Johnson) have already started back-pedalling.  So even The Disgraced Liam Fox wants to remain part of the EU customs union, even if, in his stupidity, the actions he proposes are probably illegal….  If Trump's arse-licker-in-chief is going to claim he was responsible I think the Tories would be delighted to pass on the blame as the car crash unfolds before our eyes.

Of course there’s no purpose in trying to point any of this out to the Dear (ex)Leader’s single-minded, simple-minded acolytes.  But it can be fun trying....

(PS I've even seen some of these fruitcakes discussing who should play the role of Farage if a film was made about the EU referendum.  Surely there's only one contender?  An established star with a strong track reocrd in Hollywood and on TV as a leading man.  Kermit of course.)

An end to grave watching?

A YEAR OF GRAVESTONES

One year ago I posted to say I'd be trying to keep up a wee project to post photos of the changing view from our windows on every Friday throughout 2016. Yesterday saw the fifty third and final post go up, and the blog come to an end (although if there's anything worth recording in future, like a decent snowfall, I may decide to post on the odd occasion). Did it achieve anything?

'Achieve' is too strong a word, but I'm glad I managed to document the changes across the seasons. With so many trees down below, and one high enough to be at eye level up on the fifth floor, the view was very different in June to the one that I began with in January. In retrospect it was a daft decision to go for weekly posts, as the transitions don't always happen that quickly, although come Autumn there were quite big differences between one Friday and the next. I should maybe have gone for a more flexible approach.

But I'm glad I stuck with it. As it became obvious that one week's post was much like another I had to find other ways to make the blog interesting (if only for myself). And that took me down to ground level and wandering around the cemetery. For me that was the best aspect of keeping the blog going, that I got to know what was down there much better than before. Whilst the original intent was to show the changes in the vegetation, and going to down to see it provided some interesting details, it was the graves and memorials themselves that provided the greatest fascination.

Forgotten names and occupations, a sculpture dedicated to stillbirths and a memorial to the biggest rail disaster in UK history, there always seems to be something fresh to discover. New graves too, with burials taking place on an irregular basis, and plenty of visitors to the deceased. Watching the gardeners was often interesting, and the men trying to raise old fallen stones back into their original position.  

So my regular Friday photo sessions will no longer be de rigueur.  I can stick to looking out for the occasional photogenic sunset.  But I don't see my walks around the dead ending next year.  There are still discoveries to be made in this small but fascinating world of memories.

2016, the best bits

BEST OF THE YEAR

History may not look kindly on 2016, with considerable evidence on offer of the depths to which human stupidity can sink. Let us hope it will not also be seen as the precursor for much more dangerous times ahead.

But I prefer to end the year reflecting on the positives. On a personal level it's been another enjoyable twelve months. A big part of that enjoyment comes from getting ourselves out to see live entertainment, and films, and my accompanying hobby of writing reviews to all that I get to. This becomes a handy reference point when I want to recall the best (and worst) bits I've been privileged to see. So, as I did last year, here's my list of my favourites broken down into various categories.

It was a quieter year in terms of numbers, especially for comedy - probably because we didn't feel 100% well during August and went to far fewer Fringe shows than we had the year before. In the end I've been to 24 comedy shows, 45 music gigs, 27 drama events, 28 films, and a couple that don't slot comfortably into any of these categories. I've also been to a large number of ice hockey matches....

1) Comedy 

As was the case last year it would be easy just to say Mark Thomas and move on. Still the best. Or I could plump for others we've seen before like Stewart Lee, Mark Steel or our friend Aidan Goatley (twice!), all of whom delivered the quality expected. 
But my preference is to recall someone I haven't seen before and has left a lasting impression. My first thought was Jonathan Pie, which was funny, thought provoking, and clever in the manner in which it adapted the YouTube character to an our long stage show. But the show was as much drama as it was comedy, and I'd like to choose a more pure comedy act. So my selection is Paul Currie. Inventive, bizarre, childish, involving, hilarious and utterly daft. Definitely a man I want to see again next year.

2) Music 

As above it would be so simple to just say that by far the best gig of the year was provided, once more, by the mighty Lau. Or another amongst our established favourites - Kris Drever, Moishe's Bagel, Merry Hell, the wonderful Dallahan..... Instead I'm choosing an act in which only one of the performers was already familiar. Seonaid Aitken and the Tokyo Django Collective delivered a magical event where virtuoso performances were combined with a sense of fun and enthusiasm. So memorable. With a special mention to an unlikely group of heroes, also performing in the Jazz and Blues Festival. The Bratislava Hot Serenaders didn't come close to providing the greatest musical experience of the year. But they did deliver by far the most charming.

3) Drama 

We got to all ten productions in the two seasons of A Play, a Pie and a Pint at the Traverse, and enjoyed almost all of them, with Dr Johnson Goes to Scotland the stand out performance. But I think my choice needs to head somewhere with more meat on the bones. Teatro Delusio was the unforgettable drama experience of the Fringe. Thon Man Moliere had much to recommend it. But... I'm going with Right Now, the funny, twisted, disturbing French Canadian family drama we saw back in April. There are images from that evening which have stayed with me ever since.

4) Film 

So often, when asked what our favourite was, we tend to provide the easy answer and just go for the last thing we enjoyed. But, although Paterson, was the last film I saw in 2016, I have no doubt about my choice. Quietly beautiful and inspiring. I can't look back at 2016 and not mention the film that provoked the greatest anger and empathy in me, I, Daniel Blake, which is a powerful condemnation of the society we've become. Most of the films I saw this year were as part of the Film Festival in June and July, and four stood above the others for me. The Carer, The Olive Tree, 24 Weeks and A Man Called Ove (from the UK, Spain, Germany and Sweden respectively) were all excellent, with the last of these evoking that word Charm once again.

5) Book 

I don't review them and I haven't read nearly as many this year. But looking back over those I have, the best by far was The Testament of Gideon Mack by James Robertson. Exploring the boundaries of religious faith, myth and fantasy, it shows up the credibility and credulity of we humans in a tale that questions reality. My favourite thriller was C J Sansom's Winter in Madrid, bringing with it a real sense of life in the Spain of the Civil War and the early years of the Franco regime.

6) Hockey Match 

I don't write reviews or keep notes, so I may be guilty of falling victim to 'recent memory' syndrome, but for atmosphere I can't recall anything to beat the Caps match against Fife Flyers on 2 October. The Edinburgh Capitals had never previously qualified for the quarter finals of the Challenge Cup. Win this match and their place was guaranteed. Maybe the atmosphere wasn't quite so good at the end of the second period. 0-1 down after the first, we'd fallen to 1-4 after the next twenty minutes. But the third was .... different. 
Matt Tipoff got one back after a couple of minutes, and the comeback definitely looked on just over a minute later when Mason Wilgosh made it 3-4. Another four minutes and there was Mr Tipoff again to equalise. All square, twelve and a bit minutes to go, and anybody's game. But now the home side had the momentum, and the noise from the crowd, to carry them. 
Less than five minutes left and Ian Schultz scored to take the lead for the first time. The Edinburgh fans were on their feet. And stayed up. Pretty much anyone who was capable of standing was doing so. And shouting, and chanting and generally going crazy, even the most normally staid amongst our number. When Pavel Vorobyev fired the puck into the empty net with a couple of minutes left we knew our Xmas had come very early this year. What a night to be a Caps fan....

And finally.... As I did last year, just to show I don't always make wise choices of shows to go and see, here are a few of the worst of the year. Musically Gol did little for me, and Orkestra Del Sol proved a disappointment when I'd expected so much. In the Film Festival I found Suntan and Mr Right lightweight and pointless. Surprisingly there was one of the Play, Pie and Pint series that proved to be a big let down, with One Thinks of It All as a Dream so much poorer than the others in the series. And my Turkey of the Year award is once again going to a Fringe 'comedy' show - The Simpsons Taught Me Everything I Know was even worse than the title suggests, an hour of 2016 I'd like to wipe from memory.

Here's to an entertaining (and Armageddon-free) 2017.

Selfie Season?

THAT SELFIE PROJECT

At the beginning of October I posted on here to say I was going to have a go at a photographic project, taking selfies over a period of several weeks and seeing what resulted.  The inspiration for the project was explained in the post and you can read about it here.

Now's the time to reveal the results.  Even if I'm as unimpressed with the outcome as I expected to be.  I wondered if there might be any way to claim my pictures, collectively, as an art form, as was the case for Ai Weiwei's exhibit of looping selfies at the exhibition that prompted my experiment.

It's really for others to give judgement on whether my own collection constitutes art in any way.  My own reaction is No.  Because, unlike the Chinese, I don't have much in the way of visual imagination or creativity.  In consequence there are many shots that are dull and repetitive.

But I'm leaving them in there.  If nothing else this is a warts and all form of portraiture, with only a few of the photos I took being left out because they were contributing nothing.  Over the period I was taking them I banged my forehead on a shelf; then had a haircut which involved a bit of a styling change (I thought it successful, but the photos show little real difference!); and for the past few weeks I've had a virus so there have been times when I've looked pale, tired, far from a depiction of good health.  There are shots taken in early morning, shots taken late at night.  Indoor light, outdoor light, and the wrinkle-highlighting brutality of flash.

One of the most notable (and to my eyes bizarre) selfie trends, and a great favourite with Japanese tourists in particular, is to take ones photo in front of a well know landmark.  Proof that they were really there?  A trend I've resisted, other than one featuring an Edinburgh standard (and cliche), the view down The Vennel with the castle in the background.  And Newhaven Harbour features now and then.  A cemetery features, as do bus interiors, but most were taken at home.  More time to experiment in the warmth!

You can find the photos on this Tumblr blog.

A final word.  There are almost three hundred photos on that Tumblr.  If you manage to look at them all you either have a very low boredom threshold, or way too much time on your hands.  Probably both.  There are much better ways to pass the time you know....

Botanic Lights

FOLLOW THE LIGHT

The 2016 Botanic Lights show, at Edinburgh's Botanic Garden, ended last night, another sell out I believe.  If you didn't manage to make it along I took some photos and videos that will give you an idea of what you missed.

I have to admit to being dubious before we went.  Fifteen quid seemed a lot to have a cold walk around a bunch of lit up trees.  My cynicism was unfounded.  We spent ninety minutes going around and enjoyed it all.  It's a lot more than just a few lighting effects.  Although it's surprising what a bit of coloured light can do to raise the profile of even the most boring vegetation.  Click on the links to go to my YouTube Channel.

The theme of the event was Explore.

Explore the world, explore different cultures, recognise our common humanity.  The clearly laid out pathways had something to see all the way along, with several stopping off points for longer, more dramatic displays.  Light art is high tech stuff and there was a lot of imagination and skill on display.

Right from the start there's a very different feel to the place.

Just going through a section of woodland takes on a sense of the theatrical.

This box like installation was constantly changing.

In a small clearing there was a man telling anyone interested to push hard on the big foam button mounted on a plinth in the middle.  Get it right and lights shot up the tree and the bells rang, like the old funfair strength test.

That's the way to do it.

People get lit up too!

The dancing fountains were beautiful - this video's a bit longer than the others.

Walking along some pathways was like being guided by a thousand tinkerbells.

And the lantern-lit walk like  visit to China (or Habitat....).

It wasn't all about bright and flashing lights.  This structure resembled a cross between a radioactive spider's web and the cat's cradle games kids used to play with wool.

There was a tree festooned with Nepalese ribbons, and you could buy one to tie on with your own message added.

This constantly changing hedgerow was amazing, and the sheer size of it isn't really obvious on film.

I thought the coloured light pools on this path were very effective, like mosaic flooring.

The Victorian Palm House was given the stellar treatment.

This simple outline of the map of the world was repeated all the way up this wall.

The last major display on the tour was this swift tour of the world spread across a Georgian facade.  It's also the longest of these films.

But I've left my personal favourite until last, an oriental series of images displayed on to a fountain of water.  Look out for the man and his dog.

Not bad for fifteen quid really.  Better still, it didn't rain.